#2 What he said: A conversation with my guy friend, William
 |
| Mr. Wilson aka The Clothier aka Mr. "Cinderella Moments". What he said about communication between the sexes gives you a peek into the male psyche and the way some men communicate. |
Today's Guy: William
How do I know him?: Interviewed him for an Examiner.com/Charlotte article.
Occupation: He IS a Brand. Check out William Wilson Clothing online.
I interviewed William Wilson this past week. We talked about so many different things, but the topic of male-female communication was quite entertaining.
CW: Do you think miscommunication is what causes problems in relationships?
WW: Well I think lack of communication and overcommunication with other people is what causes the problems. With men, we're not complicated. As children, men are taught to do two things primarily: Conquer and Solve problems. As men we want the magazine article you want to give us the novel. Let me ask the questions I need to give you the information that's necessary.
CW: See as women we have to get the story out. It is kinda the way we work through the problem. Too often men just want to solve the problem without always knowing with the problem is. We were raised reading fairytales were there was a whole lot going on before you got to the problem, and the solution was all the way at the end. So that's how we communicate.
WW: People talk about important things like the ingredients on a cereal box. They give you the two or three most important things upfront. The rest is just added on. So you tell us what the issue is in the beginning, that's why you hear men say "Why are we still talking about this?!" And women just keep going on and on and on...we've tuned you out and the answer is still the same thing as what it was in the beginning.
CW: But that's how we operate. Sometimes we don't know what the problem is, so we have to give you the back story.
WW: Yeah, you all need that emotional connection. We're not like that. We just want to fix it.
CW: Earlier (in our interview) you were talking about baiting the hook with what's necessary to get the fish you want. That reminded me of the book by Steve Harvey. Did you read that?
WW: Nope!
CW: Dag! You said that rather quickly. (the convo continues after the jump...)
WW: Yeah. I mean, I'm not Steve Harvey. I have no desire to read that book. Or anything like that. That's just not my thing. It's not my thing. Books like that can be informative on one side and dangerous on the other. If Steve tells you if a man is late then it means this or that. You're going to believe this or that about me when I'm late. I'm not him. Ask me why I'm late. I could have been stuck in traffic or on a conference call (*like he was when he was ten minutes late to our interview LOL*), or anything. If you want to know something about me ask me.
CW: (truth be told, I found nothing informative about Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. I always say consider the source. Steve isn't exactly the type of dude I'd want to think like or be with...and how many of y'all actually implemented his advice and got something good out of it? you can already see he was wrong about one thing..men do talk! anywho...keep reading) mmmhmmm I see.
WW: If people spent more time listening to the people they deal with and stop asking all their girlfriends and stop waiting for Oprah or somebody to tell them what's going on, their relationships would be a lot stronger. I think where a lot of problems come from, people are looking for answers everywhere except for the source of the situation. If you got a problem with something I did, come talk to me about it. I'll tell you, you may not like my answer, but i'm going to tell you the truth.
CW: (thinking: Now why am I interviewing this dude again? He's trying to take my spot in this whole relationship advice diddy...stick to the suits, suit man! hmmmmmph....kidding kidding...). I actually agree with you! That's what I try to tell people...but they hardly ever listen. Along with many other things. That's the whole focus and purpose of my blog. Getting men and women to understand each other so they can talk to each other when they have issues.
WW: Right. I'm on Twitter and FB, and I see a lot of people putting all their personal personal business out there. If I'm your man, we probably have mutual friends. And then people see it and are like "oh William and so and so are having problems." When you start inviting other people into your relationship and you're not talking to that person. You'll never really get your answer, you just get other people's suggestion for an answer. Then if you don't get the answer they're telling you u should get, now you got even more problems. Now you're arguing over information you got from somebody who had nothing to do with it in the first place. And you're arguing over something that doesn't even pertain to the situation.
CW: Exactly!! Now let's switch gears for a moment and talk about something I always hear from some women. "If I don't do it, the next one will." So you have a lot of women who will do whatever it takes to get a man, because they fear being alone and having some other woman who is down for whatever getting the guy.
WW: You have to have some standards as to what you will and what you won't accept. Men in general believe in getting the most output for the least input. So if I can not dress right, not take you to places, not comb my hair, not give you your Cinderella moments, and all those things... I can still sleep with you when I want too. And my only purpose is to get the draws, I could get everything out that I need. What is my reason for changing?
CW: Right! That's what I try to tell women. I actually talked to a young lady about that a little while ago. She kept wondering why men wouldn't commit to her even though she was giving them sex. Well actually she even said she was probably sleeping with them too soon. So clearly that is the problem. Men want you to have standards! Especially if you want to be in a relationship with them. Otherwise, what's special about it if it's that easy? If you just give it up without any type of restrictions, it's easy. And he don't want you if it's that easy. (I know y'all heard Tupac "I get around" playing in your heads when you read that...)
WW: If you don't set your own personal standards, then you're begging. There's an old saying that beggers can't be choosers. If you can't learn to be happy alone. You can't be truly happy with somebody. Because then you're putting undue pressure on them, to fill all those holes in your life. . You need to be able to say, you know what? I'm ok going home alone. if i gotta be single for the next six months, fine. You can't be just so caught up in wanting to be in a relationship. Men we can see that. We can see when you're hungry for a relationship.
CW: That's what I try to tell women all the time, but they don't listen to me. Men will wait on the sex. And tricks aren't going to get him to settle down.
WW: It's hard for a woman to get advice from another woman about men, just like it's hard for a man to get advice from a man about a woman. But you're right. You can do all the nasty things to a man he wants and he'll still be able to find that in another package. He may keep coming back for more of the nasty stuff, but he isn't coming back for you.
CW: PREACH!
WW: If we ask you the right 4 or 5 questions, you're going to tell us everything we need to do, to show you the script that we need to give you to get what we're looking for. If you're looking for a relationship, but we're looking for relations...then you tell us how to get relations. I sit and listen to you and you tell me, and you draw me a roadmap to your draws, then if all i'm looking for is that, i'm going to follow that roadmap and once again you're hurt again.
CW: I think what it comes down to is having standards and making them plain.
WW: Exactly. If you set your standards down upfront. That you want settle for less than this, and he has to come at you with something real. Like you have the high standards here (he motions his hand up), and this is the minimum you're willing to take (he lowers his hand), without giving into those things that are less, you'll be good. But if you want Cinderella moments, you can't get those when you're chasing the "Lil Waynes". You have to look for the guy who already is what you want, you shouldn't date a guy for potential.
What do y'all think about that? Fellas did he break the Man Code by telling too much? Ladies do you believe him?
.
Comments